Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 154
# 331
08-20-2013, 03:48 PM
Couple more reviews:

@rextorvan36: loved the opening...reminded me of many times when you're popping in to HQ, people stare because they know you have a meeting with a head honcho, and try their best to suppress their curiosity with avoidance...y'know...just in case you're gonna be in trouble and by looking at you, the trouble can come their way. If you want to amp up the tension, have the head honcho address the subordinate by full rank instead of name. (There's nothing that brings up the 'uh oh' factor than when an admiral states, for example, 'lt. commander' instead of the more common 'commander'. Even worse is when they fully state 'lt. j.g' with an emphasis on 'junior'.) Good situational awareness for the space battles...always love a reference to fighting in 3-d (z plus, etc.).

@shevet: "Hit it 'till it stops working"...love it! Great story...Ruby will prove to be an interesting addition to the crew, I'm guessing!

@marcusdkane: I've never been so offended reading something about Star Trek. I mean...Pepsi? Being found with that in your system is an automatic court martial with option for capital punishment. But seriously, well done, racy but still tasteful. Got a few of the references...but because you challenged us to find them, I found myself reading too much into things and was waaay off base. (ex: the line about cruise bunnies while you go racing...I went to Days of Thunder - Tom Cruise, racing, track bunnies. Or the line about sun-deck, Princess bar...I went to the Love Boat...Pacific Princess, sun-deck...expected Issac to be serving drinks.) Interesting intro to the new counsellor...you've got to be either earnest or insane to intrude on your boss's shore leave without an invite!

@aten66: Love stories that give a subtle shout out to 'canon'. (Shizon era cloning program). Constructive crit - some typos/missing apostrophes/capitalization issues.

@jonsils: Heh...Grunt, 1, the brass, 0. Bet that's gonna delay him getting the fourth pip for a few months...

@knightraider6: Always brings a smile when Q's change people into critters! But that smile quickly reversed when Tammy popped up. Very nicely done, and very good advice given to the young Captain.

@danqueller: Ok...when do the rainbow torps come into the game!?! Can't wait for the retrieval mission!

@superhombre777: nice epilogue!

@ambassadormollari: Can't wait for what happens at Rumaka Station!
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,447
# 332
08-20-2013, 04:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masopw View Post
I've never been so offended reading something about Star Trek. I mean...Pepsi? Being found with that in your system is an automatic court martial with option for capital punishment. But seriously, well done, racy but still tasteful. Got a few of the references...but because you challenged us to find them, I found myself reading too much into things and was waaay off base. (ex: the line about cruise bunnies while you go racing...I went to Days of Thunder - Tom Cruise, racing, track bunnies. Or the line about sun-deck, Princess bar...I went to the Love Boat...Pacific Princess, sun-deck...expected Issac to be serving drinks.) Interesting intro to the new counsellor...you've got to be either earnest or insane to intrude on your boss's shore leave without an invite!
In this case, a little of both, or rather, sick of riding transport shuttles to Amanda's last reported locations to assume her duties, only to miss her departure each time, so driven to extreme measures Thanks for the feedback, it's very much appreciated The cruise bunnies is pretty close, ie a meeting of racers being refered to as a cruise, and the girls being the bunnies
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 419
# 333
08-20-2013, 04:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masopw View Post
@danqueller: Ok...when do the rainbow torps come into the game!?! Can't wait for the retrieval mission!
Well, all you have to do to get those specialized torps is talk to your friendly neighborhood Tal'Shair monitor and let them know you know about them.

Of course, they are very specialized weapons that only have an effect on the unique power generators used on the hybrid Cubes (and you can tell how well that worked out for the Tal'Shiar), so it's quite possible they'll just give them to you for a modest sum and a small session in their 'Advanced Sleeper Agent Orientation' class.

If they can find any intact in what's left of the sentry ships at the former shipyard, of course.
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
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