Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,899
# 41
07-25-2013, 06:13 PM
@sharpie65 - Great setup... more?

@grylak - 47 tribbles... a bit predictable, but amusing nonetheless.

@masopw - woah, brah. That was freaking brilliant. I love the idea of a Vulcan surfer, and that terrifying glimpse into the multiverse was sublime.

@marcusdkane - great little piece! It's always fun to take a look at Marcus in his prime.

@knightraider - ... Don't leave me hanging too long on this one!

@rextorvan - poor Eris still doesn't like Risa... it's very interesting viewing that world through his eyes.

@shevat - terrific story! I especially loved Tylha's genuine (but harshly-worded) display of compassion talking to Osrin at the end there. Really fantastic work to wrap up (?) this arc with the Nausicaans.
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 255
Got mine in!

Rules to live by when you're on the U.S.S./I.S.S. Oregon! Written by my Boff Anitara the Romulan.

Also anyone know if strikethrough's can be put in?

QF is the Female Q we see in LC #29.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,185
# 43
07-25-2013, 06:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
- great little piece! It's always fun to take a look at Marcus in his prime.
Thanks, as once said (I believe by you) he's kinda like an onion, and there's always a new layer I'm considering writing a little entry on his childhood on Vulcan, but not 100% sure yet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by aten66 View Post
Got mine in!

Rules to live by when you're on the U.S.S./I.S.S. Oregon! Written by my Boff Anitara the Romulan.

Also anyone know if strikethrough's can be put in?

QF is the Female Q we see in LC #29.
Absolutely loved it, such a different feel to other LC entries (not just this one) it was really fun to read
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 255
# 44
07-25-2013, 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcusdkane View Post


Absolutely loved it, such a different feel to other LC entries (not just this one) it was really fun to read
Thanks
If anyone notices spelling, feel free to mention it.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,899
# 45
07-25-2013, 07:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aten66 View Post
Got mine in!

Rules to live by when you're on the U.S.S./I.S.S. Oregon! Written by my Boff Anitara the Romulan.

Also anyone know if strikethrough's can be put in?

QF is the Female Q we see in LC #29.
Very fun entry. It seems your crew is all-to-familiar with Q...
Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 255
# 46
07-25-2013, 07:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
Very fun entry. It seems your crew is all-to-familiar with Q...
Well, with all these special events going on all year, whose to say he/she doesn't viist my Captain on occasion to play games with me...or at least of tea and crumpets on Deck 13...
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 148
# 47
07-26-2013, 01:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hfmudd View Post
@rextorvan: Good as far as it goes, but I have to say, it's missing something. What you have is just kind of ... "there."
can you elaborate on this because no matter how I try, I cant really give any kind of significane to "there".
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 661
# 48
07-26-2013, 01:31 AM
Well, okay...

There's a phrase in writing/lit crit: "just a bunch of stuff that happened." That's all I see here. We establish in the first sentences that your protagonist doesn't like Risa. Then we have the first appearance of the theme (number) for this challenge. Then they beam down to the surface. Then they go to some shops, and they meet some people. The number is mentioned again a few times. The story ends with a repetition that the protagonist doesn't like Risa.

And that's it.
Join Date: January 2011
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 992
# 49
07-26-2013, 03:27 AM
@rextorvan: I'm inclined to agree with my esteemed colleague Mr. Mudd, here.... To my way of thinking (which may be completely wrong, but what the heck), a good story involves a conflict, with some progression towards a final resolution.

The conflict need not be big, dramatic and showy (although, to my mind, a few rampaging Nausicaan death squads never hurt): your "I'm on Risa and I don't want to be there" is a perfectly legitimate conflict. For that matter, "I still don't like Risa" is an equally legitimate resolution... what's missing, I feel, is any suggestion of progression along the way. As @hfmudd says, stuff sort of - happens - and, at the end of it, the character's in the same place they were before. I'm not sure how best to go about fixing this, though - if you feel it needs fixing. (Hey, it's your story, after all.)

---

Thanks, as ever, to those who've said kind words about mine.... I tend to work in elements from the game itself (if you ever run into Tylha or the King Estmere in-game, they're pretty much as described), and for some reason, my Aenar boff, Zodes Andeteph, seems to draw a lot of aggro whenever I use her in a ground mission. It might be that she attacks things quite normally (I gave her a sniper rifle, so she has a large radius of action), but the contrast between this and the "Superior Pacifist" trait of the Aenar... sort of struck me. So, in my mind, Zodes is a bit of a psycho. Well, it helps to have some sort of character traits among my over-sized boff roster.

The idea of Andorian genetic augmentation probably deserves some thought, and probably I won't give it much.... Since the Andorians didn't (AFAIK) have their own Eugenics Wars, they might not be as hostile to the idea as humans, and might even see genetic engineering as a way forward, with regard to their low birthrate problem. I very much doubt that "Yslen Corodrev" (that name, btw, is a very obscure SF reference, in anagram form yet, and my hat goes off to anyone who gets it) was the best and the brightest in the field, and other scientists might well make better progress than he did. Something to mull over, perhaps!
Commander
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 250
# 50
07-26-2013, 05:41 AM
@aten66, wonder if you have a Skippy on your ship (http://skippyslist.com/list/)

Put up more of mine, am debating on leaving it at that, or adding more where she actually gets back. The whole reason for the story is while opening lockboxes for crystals, to get pearls for the Risan Corvette (was lazy and skipped a few days) the Temporal Science ship dropped-and I've wanted one of those for years. and of all the characters who it would fit best, it was Polekitty. So now I needed to come up with an IC reason why she got that when the Agamemnon just got refurbished... thus the kaboom.
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