Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 446

Title: Your Mission Has Ended (ST-HTDCNHMQK)
Author: isthisscience
Faction: Federation (Not Romulan Friendly)
Level Requirement: Any level but VA for plot purposes
Author Notes:...
An alien world always felt mystical. An adventure, something to cherish before we sped away towards the next unknown. As I run my fingers through the Martian sand, all I feel now is regret, emptiness....

The sun sets on the horizon and the sky turns darker revealing the lights of the shipyards above. I lower myself onto the beach, my uniform pressing into the soft sand; the product of centuries of terraforming. I keep getting asked why I hadn't changed into more comfortable attire like the other professors. The setting sun reflects off my combadge, the last relic of my shining career.

A familiar star moves away from the web of lights. The thought of my chair... her chair now... I raise my hand, as I begin to mouth my order and signal the star shoots away. They no longer wait for my orders.

I need to get a grip of myself, I think to myself, and I pull myself up. Slower than I used to. Maybe Quinn was right, I'm not as young as I used to be. But what am I meant to do now?
This mission is very different from my first one, Rose Tinted Mirror, and is non-combat (very very nearly). Don't be too fooled by the opening, discoveries can be made in the most unlikely places. Please be as critical as you like, I'm testing a few ideas for a larger project and would like to know what strengths/weaknesses.

Edit: in depth review by Voleron@Akrilon in Stonewall Fleet Times here: http://fleet.stonewallgaming.net/tim...4-03_04_05.pdf and by ashtaku here: http://intelser.org/?p=168

& Rose Tinted Mirror (Fed 31+)

Last edited by isthisscience; 05-13-2014 at 01:46 PM. Reason: update
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,948
# 2
08-03-2013, 04:17 PM
Your mission has ended

First map, Risa:
- Risa old style? Fun! Totally forgot to see if the floater worked
- Going from Risa to the bridge was quite... sudden.

Second map, The oddy bridge:
- Put them in the dullest part of the ship! Just wow.
- Bunch of the NPC's still got their foundry name (Reman ensign Male 01, horta 04, etc)
- The junior sci officer is somewhat sitting on air.
- They use an unstable one! (You mean like Sulu "Fly her apart then"? Then if i am correct, shouldn't "They" need to be "Then"?)
- Map change.. (Go to next map), the standard transfer message.

Third map, Academy:
- Got back to the academy? Little problem there though... You end up directly at your starting point, where you are still able to "Start the mission" (causing a loop).
- It's expected from someone your age! I am feeling old here! Oh i scared the cadet...
- How about making it obvious my char is old! Geez...
- I meant to say... you made good use of the characters, nicely done.

Fourth map, Arney's office *what?* ARNEY's OFFICE!
- I wasn't able to get anywhere this time, well done.
- Arney's office is kind of cramped and filled to its brink... Must be his age.
- Most options says "Search", try something like "Search *this", "Search *that*"
- Lecture, how funny!

Fifth map, Risa:
- Continue... Might be better to change this description
- Hahaha, awesome, i look confused and apparently my hands are shaking.
- Oh, i still see a medbed floating in the air, near the shore.
- One of the fighters are directly visible when the structure appears out of the water, (instead after talking to Milo first).
- Nice way the story went! I like it!

Last map *secret*:
- What a way to end
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message ^^
Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 446
# 3
08-03-2013, 04:36 PM
Thanks for another review stoutes!
Unfortunately there are a number of foundry limitations. One being when you enter a cryptic map you can't change it from "go to next map" and the entry point is still highlighted (hence me having to put a notice on the mission grant about that). I hit quite a few issues when making this one, was trying out a few new ideas in advance of a larger project I'll be working on soon. Knowing my luck, I'll come up with a workaround to them 1 day before Cryptic fixes them and comes up with a far more awesome editor . Oh and yes, sorry if it was a bit to in your face about age - hard to emphasis an old admiral when we spend the game still thinking we're 20 despite the pips on our neck. Once of the things I wanted to look at.

& Rose Tinted Mirror (Fed 31+)
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,948
# 4
08-03-2013, 05:55 PM
Nah it wasn't really in my face or anything still in my twenties (not for long though), but it was too funny not to highlight it a bit in the review.

Looking forward to another mission from your hand!
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message ^^
Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 446
# 5
08-04-2013, 09:02 AM
Thanks for the plays everyone, I've just done a few updates dealing with issues brought up that cost me the last star on 3 reviews. Aside from technical issues, how to people find playing non-combat missions like this that have a slightly slower plot line than the average high-drama? I'm half and half as to whether to write my next one more on the thoughtful or the action/drama side.

& Rose Tinted Mirror (Fed 31+)
Captain
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 683
# 6
08-04-2013, 09:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by isthisscience View Post
Thanks for the plays everyone, I've just done a few updates dealing with issues brought up that cost me the last star on 3 reviews. Aside from technical issues, how to people find playing non-combat missions like this that have a slightly slower plot line than the average high-drama? I'm half and half as to whether to write my next one more on the thoughtful or the action/drama side.
I'm sure you'll figure it out. Your a good writer .
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,508
# 7
08-04-2013, 10:16 AM
If its non-combat you can enter it into the PrimetimeUGC contest

Check out my Foundry missions:
Standalone - The Great Escape - The Galaxy's Fair - Purity I: Of Denial - Return to Oblivion
The Defenders - Duritanium Man - The Improbable Bulk - [WIP] Commander Rihan
Commander
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 446
# 8
08-04-2013, 10:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amahood View Post
I'm sure you'll figure it out. Your a good writer .
Many thanks amahood!


Quote:
Originally Posted by zorbane View Post
If its non-combat you can enter it into the PrimetimeUGC contest
Way ahead of you, mate! Put it forward as soon as I published. It does have one tiny bit of "comabt", but it is more symbolic than a challenge.

& Rose Tinted Mirror (Fed 31+)
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 390
# 9
08-04-2013, 11:04 AM
Those cadets were so unhelpful! I didn't know the Odyssey bridge was so big.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 152
# 10
08-07-2013, 09:17 PM
I enjoyed this mission and what you were trying to capture with it. I loved the story. It was a very unique perspective that goes unexplored with this game for obvious reasons. I do believe this was very much in the line of Star Trek because this had to be what Kirk felt upon being promoted to Admiral. There were quite a few typos but I didn't keep a running tally to point out specifics. Other than that, you made great usage of the maps, environments, and dialog. Overall, I believe this mission should be a must-play for people that truly appreciate Star Trek and the inevitable of us one day having to deal with time moving on without us. You did a great job here.

"The time has come to see the world as it is." - Captain James T. Kirk
Twitter - @SDVargo
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