Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13,269
# 271
01-10-2014, 04:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarek93 View Post
Review of "Return of the Maquis" by Ryan218

First off, a caveat - it took me a lot longer to play this than it should have. I think the Foundry waypoints might be bugged again (for space at least). All of the mission objective markers in your space maps were way off from where the actual marker was. I had to run around 3 space maps on a pixel hunt to find the right objective area. Don't think that's your fault, but the scarcity of objects on your map made it hard to determine where I had been.

Now, onto the review. Not a bad mission. The maps are a bit sparse and the story is a bit cliched, otherwise I think the mechanics are solid (barring the bugs that seem to be there).
1. Maps are too sparse - some of your space maps have one object in them. Maybe add some asteroids or something in
2. Spawn points are too far away from the objective points - I shouldn't have to fly half way across a map to interact with something
3. Story is cliched - the story seems hackneyed: almost a point for point rip from the DS9 Maquis episodes; you're going close to if not crossing over the boundary between homage and copy
4. Too many map transitions - this is kind of the pot calling the kettle black as I am guilty of this too, but you have quite a few maps with "Random Pop Up" followed by "Quickly warp to next map!" I spend more time on the loading screen than the actual map. Maybe add something else to a few of them like "scan anomalies" or something.

So, the positive things:
1. Mechanics are solid - your objectives, pop ups, etc. are great. You have the mechanics down
2. Story - despite being pretty close to the Maquis episodes of DS9 (bordering on a copy), the suspense and motivations are good which helps make the story better
3. Characters - your characters are interesting and dynamic
4. CRAZY ADMIRAL!!!! - always a good choice
Firstly, thanks for the review!

To be honest, I had difficulty writing the mission without taking cues from the Maquis episodes, but I think I'll give some of the maps a rewrite to space them out from the actual episodes. When I write the sequel, that's one of things I'll be checking is originality.

As for the one-shot wonder maps, yeah... I knew that was a problem when I wrote them in. The mission is more driven by story than by combat. I know the encounter with Myro in the Plasma Fields is a particularly bad spot, so I'll probably find something to add in to drag it out.

And I spawned the ship at the edge of the maps because, in the show, unless they were dealing with a critical emergency, starships always warped in at the edge of a star system and continued on at low warp or on impulse, dropping to impulse completely when the got close.

However, there are a couple of maps where warping in close is justified, so I'll likely change that too. I'll probably put in nav markers to emphasise the point about warp regulations as well, because it doesn't make complete sense otherwise.

I will check the reach markers while I'm at it just to make sure it's not a problem on my end.
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Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13,269
# 272
01-12-2014, 07:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryan218 View Post
Firstly, thanks for the review!

To be honest, I had difficulty writing the mission without taking cues from the Maquis episodes, but I think I'll give some of the maps a rewrite to space them out from the actual episodes. When I write the sequel, that's one of things I'll be checking is originality.

As for the one-shot wonder maps, yeah... I knew that was a problem when I wrote them in. The mission is more driven by story than by combat. I know the encounter with Myro in the Plasma Fields is a particularly bad spot, so I'll probably find something to add in to drag it out.

And I spawned the ship at the edge of the maps because, in the show, unless they were dealing with a critical emergency, starships always warped in at the edge of a star system and continued on at low warp or on impulse, dropping to impulse completely when the got close.

However, there are a couple of maps where warping in close is justified, so I'll likely change that too. I'll probably put in nav markers to emphasise the point about warp regulations as well, because it doesn't make complete sense otherwise.

I will check the reach markers while I'm at it just to make sure it's not a problem on my end.
Okay, I've done a small revamp of the mission, adding some more life to the Marva IV Outpost interior, giving the player more to do in some maps, and rewritten some dialogue to distance it from the shows.

I'd appreciate another look at the mission with the improvements so I can get feedback on what still needs improving.
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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 12,998
# 273
01-12-2014, 09:11 PM
Well I did "Return of the Maquis"... (possibly before you republished)

A few specific thoughts:
Starbase(your second map): why is the beam in so far away from the admiral?

Pandora: Myro's Raiders? kinda odd. Didn't Myro call you to be there?

Plasma fields: maybe rename the debris objects? the default names are a bit odd. Typos: "Gorn Freigther" "takew us into firing range"

Overall:
most of the maps are "enter, talk to contact, leave" It's not very good.

Some of the maps have interesting tasks. Well... one... the plasma fields. That one was pretty good.

The last one is basically a beam in talk to contact then leave, but it has a few fighters to blow up first. not very interesting....

It isn't a bad mission, but... it's kinda simplistic.

I guess I'll toss my KDF mission "Diplomacy in the Gamma quadrant" in here.
HAIL HYDRA!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I can haz joystick!
MMOs aren't charities. Corporations are supposed to make a profit. It's what they do.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13,269
# 274
01-13-2014, 04:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by markhawkman View Post
Well I did "Return of the Maquis"... (possibly before you republished)

A few specific thoughts:
Starbase(your second map): why is the beam in so far away from the admiral?

Pandora: Myro's Raiders? kinda odd. Didn't Myro call you to be there?

Plasma fields: maybe rename the debris objects? the default names are a bit odd. Typos: "Gorn Freigther" "takew us into firing range"

Overall:
most of the maps are "enter, talk to contact, leave" It's not very good.

Some of the maps have interesting tasks. Well... one... the plasma fields. That one was pretty good.

The last one is basically a beam in talk to contact then leave, but it has a few fighters to blow up first. not very interesting....

It isn't a bad mission, but... it's kinda simplistic.

I guess I'll toss my KDF mission "Diplomacy in the Gamma quadrant" in here.
Thanks for the review!

Is the 'Myro's Raiders' part at any point before you respond to the Cardassian colony's distress call? If not... Then I'm shocked no one pointed it out before. I'll fix it.

Yeah, I was kinda limited as far as what I could do to make the mission interesting because of the plot. I'll try to come up with more to put in.

I'll fix the typos as well. I put I. The freighter task when I republished the mission, so no worries there.

The sequel, 'Hunt for the Maquis', will have a lot more combat and interesting activities in it... Once I finish it.
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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 12,998
# 275
01-13-2014, 06:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryan218 View Post
Thanks for the review!

Is the 'Myro's Raiders' part at any point before you respond to the Cardassian colony's distress call? If not... Then I'm shocked no one pointed it out before. I'll fix it.

Yeah, I was kinda limited as far as what I could do to make the mission interesting because of the plot. I'll try to come up with more to put in.

I'll fix the typos as well. I put I. The freighter task when I republished the mission, so no worries there.

The sequel, 'Hunt for the Maquis', will have a lot more combat and interesting activities in it... Once I finish it.
Pandora is the Cardassian colony IIRC. I guess I didn't word that well. It was more about me wondering about who it was that send the player to talk to Myro in the first place.
HAIL HYDRA!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I can haz joystick!
MMOs aren't charities. Corporations are supposed to make a profit. It's what they do.
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 13,269
# 276
01-13-2014, 08:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by markhawkman View Post
Pandora is the Cardassian colony IIRC. I guess I didn't word that well. It was more about me wondering about who it was that send the player to talk to Myro in the first place.
Okay. I was worried I'd spoiled that Myro was the villain before you got sent to the colony.

Panic over.

Major spoilers following:

Since Myro was an admiral, he sent for you to help stop the Maquis before they bought the Cardassians and the Federation into conflict (a cover for the fact that he was himself the Maquis leader). I'm not sure I've written that particularly clearly.
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Rihannsu
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 12,998
# 277
01-14-2014, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryan218 View Post
Okay. I was worried I'd spoiled that Myro was the villain before you got sent to the colony.

Panic over.

Major spoilers following:

Since Myro was an admiral, he sent for you to help stop the Maquis before they bought the Cardassians and the Federation into conflict (a cover for the fact that he was himself the Maquis leader). I'm not sure I've written that particularly clearly.
I'm not sure how rational that line of thought is though... The only way it makes sense is if he a: thinks you can't stop him, and b: thinks he needs you to mop up behind him.

It kinda reminds me of the standard supervillain shtick of inviting the hero into his heavily fortified base so he can gloat to the hero about how diabolically clever he is.... Myro calls you to deal with the situation diplomatically, while apparently expecting you to not try to deal with the Maquis(or not be able to)? To me, that's the part of the story that felt off the most.
HAIL HYDRA!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I can haz joystick!
MMOs aren't charities. Corporations are supposed to make a profit. It's what they do.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 30
# 278
02-02-2014, 08:48 AM
Review of Author: A Taste of Collateral Damage by BorrowedTune

This is my first review, so I don't really have a process for it. But here goes.

I thought this mission was fantastic. There was an intriguing and well-executed story. The dialog was well-written and there was just enough technobabble to make it feel Star Trek. I won't say much more because I don't want to give anything away, but make sure you have remodulators. The maps were very detailed and interesting. I also enjoyed the little things that you could scan along the way that weren't important to the story, but added a little flavor and rewarded the player that took the time to explore beyond just the mission story line.

I would highly recommend this one.

For BorrowedTune, if he ever reads this:
There are two things I think should change. First, if the Lieutenant that the player meets outside the turbolift is acting as a guard, why did I have to choose to talk to her instead of her stopping me to begin with. Might I suggest making that at pop-up dialog when you get close to her instead of having to choose to interact with her. That might make it a bit more believable that she is a guard and would make her dialog fit better.

Second, get rid of contractions in the dialog of the player and the officers for roleplayers who might have officers or characters that are Vulcan or just don't use contractions.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 98
# 279
02-02-2014, 10:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildkazoo View Post
Review of Author: A Taste of Collateral Damage by BorrowedTune

This is my first review, so I don't really have a process for it. But here goes.

I thought this mission was fantastic. There was an intriguing and well-executed story. The dialog was well-written and there was just enough technobabble to make it feel Star Trek. I won't say much more because I don't want to give anything away, but make sure you have remodulators. The maps were very detailed and interesting. I also enjoyed the little things that you could scan along the way that weren't important to the story, but added a little flavor and rewarded the player that took the time to explore beyond just the mission story line.

I would highly recommend this one.

For BorrowedTune, if he ever reads this:
There are two things I think should change. First, if the Lieutenant that the player meets outside the turbolift is acting as a guard, why did I have to choose to talk to her instead of her stopping me to begin with. Might I suggest making that at pop-up dialog when you get close to her instead of having to choose to interact with her. That might make it a bit more believable that she is a guard and would make her dialog fit better.

Second, get rid of contractions in the dialog of the player and the officers for roleplayers who might have officers or characters that are Vulcan or just don't use contractions.
Thank you for the review.

And btw, Vulcans use contractions. Some Soong type androids, specifically ones named Data, do not. There's exactly one of those in the entire universe and I'm quite certain he isn't a boff on any player's ship.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 30
# 280
02-03-2014, 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by borrowedtune View Post
Thank you for the review.

And btw, Vulcans use contractions. Some Soong type androids, specifically ones named Data, do not. There's exactly one of those in the entire universe and I'm quite certain he isn't a boff on any player's ship.
I stand corrected. And I need to give the supposedly Star Trek expert who told me that a hard time. I rewrote a lot of dialog to take out all the contractions in my mission.
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