Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
As you can see from the Title, I've been doing detailed (technical) playthrough reviews and insanely enough grown to like doing it!

What does a "Playthrough review" stand for, you might ask?

A playthrough review consists of:
  • Playability / continuity; does the used map support the story? Can I wander around and "break" the story by talking to others before it's actually meant to?
  • Map bugs; placement problems, parts which are meant to be unreachable are reachable, clipping, etc.
  • Interactions between dialogs/objects (specific); does it support the story and is the interaction button named?
  • Typo's and grammer: Every dialog, buttons, tasks, etcetera will be scanned for typo's or obvious grammer mistakes. Even a well-built map or story can be dragged down with badly written dialogs.
  • How do I experience the story/maps/dialogs?
After reading most of the review/mission topics i've decided to make up a list of all the foundry missions I'll write an playthrough review for. I will play/write these reviews in this order:

Single missions:
Valley of the Shadow, Part I - @Paxfederatica
An Unexpected Discovery - @Norgur1
In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 - @thegreendragoon1
A Price for Eurydice - @djxprime
Assault on DS9 - @Andeon
Latinum is Forever - @teklionbenrasha
Homesick Heroes - @amahood
(playtest) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
(playtest) Survival Must Be Earned - @malize
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. I (Intro) - @alysvanya
Mirror Universe Mystery - @neko213
MAYHEM EP 1 - Cute, Fuzzy Things - @hippiejohn
Ghost Fleet - @paxfederatica
Fluidic Relations - @renegadesteve
Uncharted - @aceman97
Epoch: Existence - @mildago
Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
A time to Search - @lincolninspace
A War Anew - @agentchallenger
Borukus - @milanx2
The Freebooter's Gambit - @bigdogofbrie
The Sins of the Fathers - @donperk
Cold Metal By Moonlight - @captpfdennis (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Defense of Starbase 57 - @ragigo (12/29/2013 - cannot be found)
Bait and Switch - @starswordc
Violations and Resistance - @commodoreobvious
Nausicaans in the Valley of Wind - @djscman
The Freebooter's Gambit - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
The Raven and the Marionette - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
What Matters Most - @stormcrow704 (bigdogofbria)
Facing the Past - @admirison
Stepping Over the Line - @admirison
Venus Unveiled - @admirison
Discovery on Delthor IV - @sorroway
Of Morals and Ethics - @voporak
Contact Squared Part 1 - @eldil
Contact Squared Part 2 - @eldil
The Bajoran - @djf021
Uprising: Act II - The Tempest - @maninblack017
Of Terror and Darkness - @voporak
The Devil's Playground - @confedinblue

Spotlight'd missions: (these will receive a "light" preview version, since publishers cant change the mission anymore)
Relics - @Kirkfat
The Rising Phoenix - Part One - @h2orat (in honor of his passing)

Replay/Seperate queue after rework:
(finalised version) Perfection, part 1 - @ashkrik23
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. II - @alysvanya
Star Trek: Saturn: Ep. III - @alysvanya

If your mission ended up in the "Replay/Seperate" queue it's up to you to let me know when your mission is finished.

Wave Empire - @Skyline45
Star Trek: Overture - @kineticimpulser

EDIT: *sigh*, still forgetting about adding alimac's missions... *note to self; add!!!*

Anyone who likes me to do a thorough check-up of their mission; just add your mission details (title, code, faction and in-game handle).

FYI; A playthrough review takes quite a some time to write, so it may take a while before I've reached your mission.
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^

Last edited by stoutes; 02-24-2014 at 10:09 AM.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 2
08-19-2013, 02:18 AM
I've decided to add Donperk "The Don"'s Reviews in the second post of my thread. Why you would ask? Well, like me he does detailed reviews as well, maybe even more detailed as I would do them. By doing this he clearly deserves a firstpage spot in this thread.

As I know myself how long a detailed review can take I can only applaud people who want to invest so much time in reviewing missions, as they could have used that time to invest in themselves.

These reviews are written by Donperk:
The Freebooter's Gambit - @bigdogofbrie
Perfection, Part 1 - @Ashkrik23
Star Trek: Saturn Ep I Intro - @Alysvana
[Rom] Infinite Shift - @Intuitive_Aptitude
Star Trek: Staturn: Ep2

*More missions will be added as soon as possible*
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^

Last edited by stoutes; 10-25-2013 at 12:27 AM.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 3
08-19-2013, 02:19 AM
Playthrough Mission: In the Shadow of MIDAS, Part 1 - @thegreendragoon1

A playthrough mission review is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such.

Mission starter:
- (question about grammer) Is "We have need" correct? Or would "We are in need" better?

Map 1; Midas
- (note) Nice introduction!

Map 2; The Office
- (note) It's all about the details (Science banner, properly named NPC's, a booze table and a talking and properly seated admiral). I would like to see at least one champagne near the admirals cup (or three under the table ).
- (object interaction naming) The console gives you the standard text "Interact". You know you can change this, right? (after you've coupled a dialog onto an object, the obect get a new tab; here you can change your interaction description).

Map 3; Wormhole
- (note) A red wormhole! I really like the color red! This WH really brings out my paint job.
- (note) Invisible walls after you've entered the WH. Good job! (oh shoot... it seemed I just passed through an opening on the left side, specifically nearly above where the station was positioned on the map).
- (note) The asteroid field is pretty awesome. unfortunatly (and this isn't your fault or anything and I know you can't change it in the foundry) the two suns which were visible when you were at MIDAS, are still visible after you've left the WH.
- (note) Yellow alert, yet another subtle detail. Oh and systen R1-997, was that a hint to a certain year (1997)?

On a sidenote; There are quite the map changes. This is normally not really recommended. I must say though.... I haven't yet found a real problem and the story is rather "grabbing" me (positively). So, pretty well done there.

Map 4; R1-997
- (note) Putting the nebulas over the planet makes a nice effect. It's ashame it only covers half the planet.
- (question) How do you give a planet with a ring such a gradient you have given it?
- (task) "Enter orbit of planet", doesn't that have to be "Enter planet's orbit"?
- (typo) YES I FOUND ONE!! "...thoron radiadiation levels..."

Map 5; City
- (note) *wow*... (closing jaw)
- (typo) Task "Retreive gate key" = "Retrieve gate key"
- (question) Well, when you find the brother, you see you can't really do much anymore. Why not give a dialog tree or an option to do resuscitation. The outcome stays the same, but this may give just the tiny bit more involvement.
- (question) Is my mind tricking me, or did you moved the stone so you can "mask" the original Kimala npc? (since you can't remove them after talking to them) If yes; subtle...
- (note) Impressive usage of walls, debris and rocks to give the illusion of a crashed hull.. You can be proud of this creation. Ashame that there are invisible walls blocking me to go over, but yeah it's rather logical.
- (suggestion) When you're entered the opening of the crashed ship, it's just a tiny bit too clean. What about adding a smoke, steam or cloud object (Y-axis to the ceiling) to make it more "damaged".

Map 6; Inside the ship

Just done a walk-around of this perticular map, first of all; great design! But this is the first map i would like to point out couple of things.

- (continuation) You get a dialog which states you have to go left to the armory. You aren't forced to do that though. When a player can deviate from your storyline, he/she can mess up certain triggers (when set up). When I walked straight ahead I was able to A) find the captain and B) see the warp engine room (nice design!). Unfortunatly this is only meant to see after a certain story trigger.
- (naming) Non-important NPC's have standard names, this doesn't really distract from the actual story but it's a nice touch if every NPC has a name and their own identity.
- (naming) When checking all the names, it's not really consistent. I see "Ensign Security Officer" at one side of the hallway, "Engineer" on the other and "Federation Engineer" a bit further.
- (typo) YES ANOTHER ONE! The task "Find Sutable Transport Site" <== Suitable
- (nitpicking) When walking through the warp room, I must say; very good job indeed! I see science, Borg, corridor, floors, generators and debris making this room a totally different experience. The only thing I notice is that the floors are clipping (when you look directly at it). Next to that I would like to see those borg parts changed (they don't really fit in, but that is my own opinion)..
- (nitpicking) Some of the debris which hangs out of the ceiling is walkable. I would suggest turning it a bit (around 45 degrees) so that it's not climbable/walkable again.
- (question) What does "Science Officer about Particle Emitter" mean?
- (question) What does "Science Officer about Particle Synthesizer" mean?
- (object interaction naming) Yet another couple of "Interact"'s with dialogs added to an object (in the science chamber).
- (note) After setting off the charges, you've closed off the entrance and added fire/smoke for effect. Well done!

Map 7; Back in space
- No comments here

Map 8; On your ship
- (continuation) After getting the task to locate the research lab, I went off going to run around the map; everything open..
- (naming) The officers standing next to Kimala are called "Starfleet Guard Tellarite Male 01" and "Starfleet Guard Human Female 02".
- (note) Interesting NPC talk; drink, for tomorrow we may all die.
- (note) The corridor where the engineer is working on you ship's main power coupling; really nice design, once again!
- (note) No more warping graphics behind the mirrors after you've asked kimala for info. Once again well done!!
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 4
08-19-2013, 02:20 AM
Playthrough Mission: A Price for Eurydice - @djxprime

A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.

Mission starter:
- (grammer) "She's requesting our assistance in rescue operations involving..." ==> "She's requesting our assistance in a rescue operation involving..."
- (typo) "Rendvouz" ==> "Rendezvous"
- (grammer) "Rendvouz with U.S.S..." ==> "Rendezvous with the U.S.S...."
- (continuity question) You are asked for a rescue operation, but the mission info states "assist her in the investigation". You either have to mention in the first part that you're asked for an investigation OR that you help her with the rescue mission. Two different things are stated here.
- (note) You stated where the starting location can be found. Good job. Unfortunatly this info gets lost because the whole block is colored. You might try [OOC][/OOC] the specified starting location or use a new alinea for it.

- (suggestion) When you want to enter the Sardah system, your Boff informs you what the situation is at moment of entry. There's a sentence I would like to see a improved a bit for readability; "Both ships have lost warp and impulse and are on aux..." to "Both ships have lost warp and impulse power, only running on aux..."

Map 1; System outskirts
- (note) Nice colorful map, I like how you used a multilayered color backdrop and how you used the stretched out debris field as filling. There's some clipping there which happens on certain machines; this isn't your fault but players can react negatively on that (it's quite visible on brighter backdrops).
- (grammer) " rescue operations for..." ==> " a rescue operation of..."
- (grammer) "...damage of the ships" ==> "...damage on both ships"
- (continuity) "Captain Xavier would like you to beam over and report to him in Sick Bay" <= On which ship? I presume the U.S.S. Ikazuchi, but it could also be the Antares Queen.

Map 2; Ikazuchi
- (note) You've made a spaceship design on a ground map... interesting! And I must say you've succeeded.
- (minor nitpick) When you walk out the transporter room, you can go left (to the turbolift). You see a difference in lighting when you open the Turbolift doors, this is caused by the ground map lighting. You can either try changing the backdrop or put another "ceiling/floor" tile above the turbolift to block the lightning.
- (naming) Running through this map, I see you've named some of your NPC's. Well done!! Unfortunatly not all the NPC's are named, which would have finished this (it's all in the details).
- (continuity) I could talk to all the three NPC's in sickbay. Even though I had to talk to captain Xavier so I clicked the doc first, this threw me off the story though. It would have been better if you included these dialog in the storyline (or either active these after you've talked to the captain).
- (naming) In the room next to sickbay, you have a computer you can look into. Unfortunatly it only states "Interact" (which is the standard description). It might be better if it's renamed.
- (placement) I've found minor clipping issues with two walls placed in one and other.

Map 3; Bridge
- (naming) Another standard "interact" near Lt. Modock. After you've put a dialog on an object, a new tab is added to the selected object. Here you can change your interaction description.
- (note) Creed's song, *put head in both palms, how emberrasing*
- (note) Interesting ready room; when I was looking to the banner, the truck really caught my attention... How did you get it there?
- (problem) You initiate a "beam out" animation as soon as I click the ondesk computer. This animation is only temporary which means that my char returns within 5 to 10 seconds after the animation is run.

Map 4; Antares Queen Promenade
- (suggestion) When you beam in, the beaming officer lays down. The option I got was "Talk to Liner Crewman". Considering his "situation" this would have been more fitting: "Investigate the crewman for any lifesigns".
- (continuity) After you've spoken to the ship purser, they become invisible. There's no mentioning of it. I would keep them there if I were you.
- (naming) Another two "interact"'s with the provision cargo stacks.
- (typo) "Restaraunts" => "Restaurants"
- (continuity) "Talk to passenger" <== did you mean "Investigate passenger"?

Map 5; Cap'n Quarters
- (naming) Another Interact with the computer (advertisement dialog <= written nicely/funny)
- (typo) "muliple ships" => "multiple ships"
- (typo) "to protech" => "to protect"

Map 6; Space
- (note) Fun space battle
- (naming) The enemies got standard names, it's all in the details and as such I would love to see them given their own shipname.

Map 7; Engi
- (suggestion) The beam-in point seems a bit empty. You can resolve this easily by throwing in a patrolling mob just like you did on the corridors.
- (suggestion) The second room is just that empty. It might be wise to close off the area's where the player doesn't need to be. You can easily produce this by adding a forcefield with some fires+smoke behind it. Same for the third room (it's too large for only one mob (adding a group of hostages may "liven things up" a bit))
- (note) Coolant leak; cool! Made me think of ST:FC
- (typo) Task "Help stablize the Warp Core" ==> Stabilize
- (info) The ship's Profile dialog (my compliments for adding such dialogs in most of the maps) states the Excaliber class has a mass of 900.000 metric tons. That should have to be 990.000 metric tonnes. Oh; and the "interact" button.

Map 8; Deck six
- (note) If I have to judge by the light in the turbolift, it looks like this is a night groundmap.
- (continuity) As the evil player I am, I am walking around the map without actually starting the storyline here (the sit-rep). And yes, the map is open.
- (funny note) Alright, I have arrived at the room of Petty officer Tevalie. The first thing I clicked was "Interact" which gives me the dialog "You hear a flushing sound"; the next thing is the petty officer asking if it's safe to get out there... This smells fishy haha .
- (note) Okay, I have arrived at Chief Bella's room and am happy to see everyone being named here. Oh look, Cadet Lynch... It would be perfect it was a redshirt "Ensign Lynch" (*hint*hint* ST:FC)
- (grammer) "are shaken up" should be "are shook up" *if I am correct*
- (note) Ah, your music playlist, lol.
- (note) Combat parties are well divided over the whole map. Nicely done.
- (suggestion) Again not all the NPC's have identifiable names. Adding these would make a nice addition

Map 9; The bridge
- (note) Well, at least Dorf is awake now.
- (note) The subtle Raider Kick by the captain, Awesome!
- (note) Another "Interact", although nice detail.
- (grammer) "We managed to fight them off, but they managed to do a little damage" ==> "We managed to fight them off, unfortunatly for us they were still able to do a bit of damage".

Map 10; Lazlo
- (naming) When looking back, I see "Weather Starstreaks West East 01"
- (note) Loads of freighters and such, makes this map "alive". Oh and a Nausicaan? Awesome.
- (note) Capsized dreams, interesting... I had to think about the costa concordia.
- (typo) "expeiencing" => "experiencing"

Map 11; Station Interiour
- (note) Glit's party isn't really going, is it? (oh wait, wrong room)
- (suggestion) When entering the crowded hall, I see you've redecorated the ground by user floor tiles. Unfortunatly there's lot of clipping going on. You can fix this by disabling the option "snap to grid" (or whatever) and offset some of the blocks with 0.001 cm. This fixes your clipping problem.
- (note) Another "Interact". Although I enjoy these in your previous maps, this one talking about Tal'lek's profile seems a bit out of place.
- (note) Oh my, "anything green".. What a pick-up line!
- (note) Huh? Another Glit? What the..
- (grammer) "The crew woman" ==> "The female crew"

Map 12; DS Assault
- (note) Did I saw the Ikazuchi fighting AND being static near the Knave?
- (note) easy combat, fun.

Map 13; Knave
- (typo) "My tricoder" ==> "My tricorder"
- (note) "Venus Drug", you mean the future's variant of the blue pill? >.<
- (suggestion) I see the forcefield, but it's rather... lacking in height. I don't really know, but it looks like a caitian is able to jump over it. How about trying to up the Y-axis a bit.
- (note) The romulan ensign looks a lot like Sela..
- (grammer) "there's more " ==> "There are more female prisoners"
- (typo) I have trouble saying you're "errection" is incorrect.. (you are allowed to giggle). One r is enough.
- (grammer) "The controls for the forcefield" ==> "The forcefield controller"
- (continuity) There's already one Slavegirl outside the --- correction; two --- forcefields. What the... three? Oh haha one jumped back.. Oh well, would probably be the "wander" option.
- (typo) "Preped" ==> "prepped"
- (grammer) "some of the other crew woman" ==> "some of the other female crew".
- (grammer) "the ones in the holds have been liberated" => "the ones in the holding cells have been recued"

Map 14; CMD deck
- (typo) "Personl favorites" ==> "Personal favorites"
- (grammer) "any you three" ==> "All three of you"

Map 15; Bridge, revisited
- (note) Dorf sleeping again? Geez
- (note) Jen and Corspa, fun little continuation you've did there.
- (biological lesson) Not feeling from the neck up? Didn't you mean from the neck down? Haha, was funny though.
- (typo) "Councilors" ==> "Counselors"
- (correction) "Mirav-are angry." <== I believe the - was misplaced?
- (typo) "greatful" ==> "grateful"


Great story! It touches the troubles of today and puts them into a ST environment. Well done. Even though the mission was awesome, the map changes became a bit tedious after map change 9 or 10. Most of the maps had function so i'm not saying you have to reduce the numbers. Be proud of what you've created!
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 5
08-19-2013, 04:47 PM
Playthrough Mission: Assault on DS9 - @Andeon

A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.

On a side note; I've just refitted my beautiful Andy with a bunch of Dil-mine RCS's... I wonder how it'll handle .

Mission starter (ESD as a starting door will be included here as well):
- (typo) "liason" ==> "liaison" and the same for the NPC at ESD - Wiki
- (synonym) "ships are pouring through" ==> "ships are dropping out of"

Map 1; DS9 space
- (dialog/combat) Battle started while I'm still reading dialog, while I have to battle two enemy groups the two ships who warped in did the job for me. While that would be pretty helpful for newer players, I would rather want a little challenge.
- (note) Second dialog has the standard "continue". But combat only started after the dialog, nice!
- (dialog/combat) Once again, while reading the third dialog combat already started...
- (naming) All fed ships have standard names ("Nebula/Majestic/Typhoon class starship"). It would be a nice touch if they have U.S.S. designations.
- (animation) while writing the above points, I see the fed ships warping in all the time. You might let them do patrol (weight = max) to avoid this problem.
- (capitalization) "dominion" ==> "Dominion"

Map 2; DS9 ground
- (naming) Task "fallen officer" ==> "injured officer" (more appropriate)
- (correction) "get ahold of yourself" ==> "get a hold of yourself"
- (correction) "firefight" ==> "fight"
- (note) Nice!! I was presuming the Dominions spawn when you finish the dialog. So I went and looked around the base for an entrance... You've put a forcefield there. NICE Work!
- (placement) You've put one piece of debris inside. I was able to jump over this, is that intended?
- (note) Putting the the mobs as a task made it feel "forced", this is my personal opinion. Three groups = okay, five a bit... repetitive. Then 2 mobs after the EPS overload... Mobs == okay, but give me the ability to choose to shoot or evade them
- Computers to restore energy stand rather.... low.
- (typo) "Lietenant?" ==> "Lieutenant"
- (typo) "Here me" ==> "hear me"

This mission was cut off quite suddenly. While there was enough combat, it lacked a bit story-wise.
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^

Last edited by stoutes; 08-24-2013 at 08:30 AM.
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 49
# 6 Assault on DS9
08-22-2013, 10:10 AM
Thanks for your feedback
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 7
08-22-2013, 12:15 PM
You're welcome , hopes it helps you .
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 8
08-24-2013, 07:14 AM
Playthrough Mission: Latinum is forever - @teklionbenrasha

A playthrough mission is written while playing.. This means that if I find something of interest (error/problem/well though out design) OR some kind of emotional experience

like an instant *wow* or *aww* reaction I'll write it up as such. The order doesn't always seem logical, but that's how I've played it.

FYI: This is the first mission I dropped mainly caused by all the playability mistakes that occured. I was thinking to give a 2/5 or 3/5. Gave you an 3/5 for the efforts you did making the maps..

Mission starter (including mission description):
- (typo; description) "degre" => "degree"
- (suggestion; description) You have different point, but it's just one green blob. Try to seperate it in couple of independent paragraphs.
- (question) "...communication from Command..." <== Do you actually mean "Starfleet Command"?
- (suggestion) "I have the co-ordinates" ==> "I have the coordinates"

Map 1; SI HQ
- (note) Nice one with the forcefield keeping the user from wandering.
- (FYI) After starting your mission, I kept my char for about 12 minutes at the "Submit to scan"-effect. My mem-usage soared to 1.8 GB RAM (it started at 610 MB, I only started my STO client about 10 minutes before). I would like you to drop couple of those scan-lasers to keep the mem from soaring. This isn't something you did wrong, but for users with a lesser PC this may cause major lag problems. FYI; I had to restart my client.
- (naming question) You've written "The Director", but I don't know if that name really is the correct one in your mission context.
- (clipping) I see a clipping wall on both sides. Both the walls and (above) the door. Especially the wall above the door is clipping quite heavily. Deactivate "Snapping to grid" option and changing the coordinates with about 0.01m (either X or Z, not Y) can resolve these problems.
- (textual improvements) When I get the coordinates, it's not really "easy to read". You can improve this by using seperate paragraphs and coloring (you can do this with [OOC]which direction[/OOC] to get here, etc).
- (clipping) Black wall and door wall is clipping in the main room.
- (map creation) I see the secretary's office isn't finished, AND the walls are clipping. Try changing the coordinates a bit.
- (continuity) I haven't spoken to the Director yet, but the map to the Quartermaster's room was open (I meant the room with the shuttle).. This caused me to switch a trigger too early in the story.
- (note) With some of the dialog you've kept the "Continue" buttons, I would love to see more "active" dialog where there's an actual reaction can be given by you.
- (grammer) "...between the good guys and the bad guys" ==> "...between the good and the bad guys".
- (grammer) "Good. You've an appointment" ==> "Good, you have an appointment" (that makesit just a bit easier to read).
- (dialog) "this holoprogramma" ==> "this holoprogram"
- (clipping) The cargo corner has an object clipping through it's floor.
- (placement) The cargo crates are standing just a tiny bit too low for the floor.
- (question) Is there seriously a hidden wall surrounding the cargo crates?... It doesn't let me jump on top of them.
- (playability) When you suffer a DC, you need to drop the mission (instead of going through the maps). This is caused by the scan/forcefield in front of the starting point.
- (quotation) You've started a quote with: The cushy captain not being... But there's no endquote.
- (question) When you start the holodeck action, you actually use the same map. Wasn't it possible to use the same map and let the bunch disappear when you start the holodeck?

Map 2; Holodeck
- (note) Some mobs looked like they kept sticking inside the walls.
- (note) Combat was well balanced, nicely done.

Map 3; HQ again
- (suggestion) You named the map "SI HQ#2", but you can actually reuse the same name, the #2 is not needed.
- (dialog) You used [Missioninfo] to give a hint to the player. Unfortunatly a sentence from the normal dialog was added as well: "It's probably best if we wait outside." (which is part of the boff's dialog).
- (interpunction) "...are based on, and it's also..." <== If I am correct, you can either use a comma OR "and", but not both.
- (grammer) "...used for trading with the other states with whom" <== chance is almost noone actually will notice this, but you used two similar words (with) close to eachother. The second one could be missed if I am correct.
- (grammer) "have been stolen" ==> "has been stolen"
- (grammer) "contents" ==> "content"
- (grammer) "were beamed" ==> "was beamed"
- (continuity) "This is the man we think is responsible" <== You've placed this sentence in the first paragraph but it's pointing to the next paragraph. It might be better to move that sentence over to the second paragraph.
- (question) How did you "turn" the Baron sideways? Cool!
- (grammer) "...and then was discharged. And then he vanished." <== Just like "with" in one of the previous dialogs. You can replace the second "And then" with: "He vanished short after that."
- (grammer) "You said about a note?" ==> "you said something about a note?" or "You mentioned of a note?"
- (dialog) You used "continue" couple of times
- (continuity) Blueprints for Thalaron weaponry? If I'm correct thalaron weaponry is forbidden inside Federation Canon.
- (grammer) "but they may not be enough" ==> "but that may not be enough"
- (continuity) "disable hologram" doesn't disable the hologram
- (placement) The isolinear chip is floating on top of the table. You can disable the "snapping to grid" option to finetune it's Y-axis.
- (grammer) "Energising" ==> "Energize"

Map 4; Lissepia
- (note) The first thing I saw were the buildings, nice effects!
- (placement) The shuttle warp nacelles are clipping a bit with the platform which it stands on.
- (note) It might help to add a visual queue where you want the player go to. You can barely see it on the map.

Map 5; Central Bank
- (placement) First of all, some of the walls look to hover just couple of CM's over the floor
- (note) The ferengi, lol.

Map 6; Risa
- (playability) Once again I DC'd here... it's not really that funny anymore doing the mission over and over again (this is the 3rd time, if I must be honest I'm thinking just to quit this mission; something you really want to prevent a player doing)
- (question) The tuxedo guy beames out when you talk to him?
- (placement) After walking in the first hut (after the game) I see people sitting on top (or inside) of the table.
- (placement) The second hut seems to be placed just a tad too high, oh and she's floating a bit too high above the chair.
- (language) "Bonsoir", isn't that the American way to say "Bonjour"?
- (grammer) "I hear you own part..." ==> "I hear you own a part..."
- (note) Underneath the mango tree
- (continuity) Yet again the tuxedo mans beams in (or out) while he is still standing there, why?
- (continuity) While turning around to talk to the girl, she beams in as well. Oh and when finished the table disappears except the wine glass/bottle. It's all about the details.
- (placement) Third hut, the cart is "floating in air".
- (playability) When you're entering the cave you get attacked from behind of you without a warning dialog or anything.
- (continuity) Console in the water is kind of... strange.
- (note) The walking around is kind of getting annoying if I have to be honest.
- (placement) Why a wall of forcefields? There's the invisible wall you can use.
- (note) no animation when tagging

I am done with the mission.
When walking over the pile of latinum, there was a little hole which was surrounded by these piles. I fell in this hole and was unable to get out.

3/5 for the efforts you put into this mission because I know how hard it is to do foundry work. I really urge you to recheck your mission.
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10,677
# 9
08-24-2013, 07:19 AM
Hello. I was wondering if you could do a playthrough of my first full length foundry mission. Just finished it so needing some players to test it out and make sure everything is working.
Here's the thread for it with the general information.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,897
# 10
08-24-2013, 08:02 AM

Since it's a playtest, I won't mind doing this! Because Amahood has been waiting for a while I'll do your mission directly after his. Would be done this weekend!
^^ I am Stoutes, and I approve of my message (and inb4exploit!) ^^

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