Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 461
# 21
09-19-2013, 10:47 AM
I'll be sitting this one out, I fear - not because my wells of inspiration have become like unto pits of alkali ringed with bleached bones or anything like that; I just want to keep the momentum going in the longer story thread I've started.

Will be reading with interest, though.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 136
# 22
09-19-2013, 01:52 PM
posted the first bit for your reading pleasure. Will need to edit slightly though.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 23
09-19-2013, 02:29 PM
Just curious, is it ok to post multiple entries on this one? With the open playbook, I've got a couple other ideas on the burner I might want to try.
Vice Admiral Aznia Deet, Federation Ambassador, U.S.S. Federalist
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,762
# 24
09-19-2013, 03:21 PM
I like what I've read so far.

@dariuslorelei - all of your apostrophes have been turned into ?s. This happens whenever you copy from a word processor like MS Word. You might want to go through and fix that.

@rextorvan36 - looking forward to seeing the rest!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 116
# 25
09-19-2013, 04:18 PM
Hmm...started with LC45 Freestyle, and here's LC50 Redux...and I choose Freestyle.

So...{frantic typing}...

Done and up. Feedback, as always, is most appreciated!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 116
# 26
09-19-2013, 06:49 PM
First four...nice work. All criticism is sent constructively...

@azniadeet: awesome. Just awesome. So awesome I *have* to pick two nits...only bears can fight with bear hands...and the tabletop gamer in me must insist the singular form of dice is die. But I reiterate, awesome story.

@jaelk: Nice. Great use of the reset button. Some typos - then instead of than, Starfleet instead of Star fleet, and some sentences could use a comma to give it a clearer rhythm.

@dariuslorelie: the dreaded "?" instead of " ' ". Treknology nit: impulse speeds are sub-warp, given as fractions, or perhaps even as a percentage of full impulse...but 4.5 doesn't fit. Some punctuation polish would ease readability, and there are some typos - supplies, not supply's, etc.

@rextorvan36: Hook set...I want to know what B'Valla looks like after 4 hours in the make up chair! Some "?"s popped up where I don't think they were meant to be, and some polish on grammar/punctuation here and there could be done.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,762
# 27
09-19-2013, 07:30 PM
Patrickngo and I have a new story in the works entitled "The Dark Horse" for you all to enjoy.

It's an adaptation of the KDF episode arc "The Fek'Ihri" return that serves an anchor point for this whole universe we've been building together for the last six months or so.


@masopw - excellent, excellent entry. I loved the shades of Johnny Got His Gun, and the way you seemed to channel John De Lancie.
Career Officer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 770
# 28
09-19-2013, 09:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masopw View Post
@azniadeet: awesome. Just awesome. So awesome I *have* to pick two nits...only bears can fight with bear hands...and the tabletop gamer in me must insist the singular form of dice is die. But I reiterate, awesome story.
Thank you for the feedback and the compliments. I went back to edit my errors, but when I did, the forum cut off my story. So I reposted it in full, and I included some pictures I made of actors cast for the roles of my crew at the end.
Vice Admiral Aznia Deet, Federation Ambassador, U.S.S. Federalist
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,961
# 29
09-20-2013, 12:52 PM
I've thoroughly enjoyed everyone's entries, and looking forwards to whatever else folks may post

Quote:
Originally Posted by masopw View Post
Hmm...started with LC45 Freestyle, and here's LC50 Redux...and I choose Freestyle.

So...{frantic typing}...

Done and up. Feedback, as always, is most appreciated!
I really liked how you used the canon characters as moral sounding boards, I thought that was a really effective device
Ensign
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 16
# 30
09-21-2013, 01:00 PM
Posted the first part of my contribution I've chosen to do Literary Challenge #41 - Call to Arms. I've simplified and spiced it up a bit, if that makes sense. It's going to be a two-parter, because it's already getting quite long and I think I need a break now after spending literally the whole day writing.

All and any feedback is welcome!
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