Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,119
# 31
10-05-2013, 02:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
@wraithshadow - just gotta get this out of the way, Dave Keating is an idiot. The things he does with Wraith are almost as bad as the things my sister thinks I do when I'm babysitting my nephews. But the way things worked out for Wraith is just so bizarrely hilarious, I'm really glad that "crazy uncle Dave" was around to take the kid on that trip. Three Klingon ladies and an indestructible Vulcan boy = best. Pon farr. Ever. As far as the Andorian antennae situation goes, I don't think anyone will argue that Captain Shran was about as badass as Andorians come, and he was definitely taken down for the count when he lost his antenna fighting Archer. For ErhAb to even get up to her feet was a bit implausible. But, it was a nice touch to the story so I'll let it slide.
Yeah, Dave is one of those guys who knows the job, and does a good one, but he's one of those guys who doesn't think about certain repercussions, so his odd sense of humor is often what annoys others or gets him in trouble.

As for Lehla, maybe instead of having her get to her feet, she could just make a general lunge? that way she doesn't need the balance for just one final push?
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 422
# 32
10-05-2013, 06:55 PM
Ok..got my entry up. A little shorter than normal, but hopefully it suffices for the matter at hand.

Enjoy!
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,217
# 33
10-05-2013, 10:00 PM
some of y'all might've noticed I wasn't posting in the last challenge, nor do I have one for THIS challenge.

Been kinda busy with something else, in addition to the story with Sander, and the story I'm working with Knightraider6, and the one I'm working with Takeshi6.

Oh, and the surgery went well-I'm now camping at home on a pile of ice-packs until the 17th,w hen we find out if the doctors at UW medical really did as good a job as I hope.
"when you're out of Birds of Prey, you're out of ships."

I play KDF, because being a genocidal maniac works better with Klingons, than explaining it as a member of Starfleet.
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 157
# 34
10-06-2013, 01:01 AM
Decided to give this one a shot despite saying in the last discussion thread I might be taking a break. Done on an iPad, so please have mercy on typos or inadvertent autocorrects.

@patrickngo...wishing you a speedy recovery!
Commander
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 422
# 35
10-06-2013, 12:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickngo View Post
Oh, and the surgery went well-I'm now camping at home on a pile of ice-packs until the 17th,w hen we find out if the doctors at UW medical really did as good a job as I hope.
Heya! Good luck, and hope those icepacks don't swallow you!
"I am your leader, I am in command. The fate of all my followers lies in my hands. The burden of what is right or wrong, decisions have to be made. I have to take you all into this burning Gate." - Iron Savior, 'Never Say Die'.
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,760
# 36
10-07-2013, 03:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by danqueller View Post
Ok..got my entry up. A little shorter than normal, but hopefully it suffices for the matter at hand.

Enjoy!
Thoroughly enjoyed this entry, and a tantalising connection to the Commander
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,760
# 37
10-07-2013, 03:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masopw View Post
Decided to give this one a shot despite saying in the last discussion thread I might be taking a break. Done on an iPad, so please have mercy on typos or inadvertent autocorrects.
Absolutely loved this entry!!! Awesome disciplinary measures all round

I also write on an iPad, using a document app, so I write in the app, then hit the review tab to catch the formatting errors (and still wind up missing some )
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,760
# 38
10-07-2013, 05:10 PM
I've wanted to tell a story with this crew for some time, but been unable to do so until now, so allow me to introduce Captain Rufus Bates, and the crew of the USS Devonshire. Please enjoy, but be warned, a brutal fight occurs... Feedback and critique is always welcomed and appreciated

For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

Rufus Bates - Ben Price
Ian Braden - Justin Timberlake
Tarquin Ravillious - Matt Bomer
Wesley Cooper - Brad Pitt
Paloma Guevara - Ana de Armas
Hank Lane - Glenn Morshower
Lynn Morgan - Gina McKee
N'sH'll'a - Sam Jones
Samantha Morton - AnnaLynne McCord
S'h'rr - Estella Warren
H'nS'l - Elisha Cuthbert
D'sH'll - Chris Hemsworth
J'gW'rr - Jonathan Pryce
Laura Godiva - Julie Cox
Sev - Justin Long
Noelia Tial - Christina Ricci
Dean Fox - Ethan Hawke
Kurrozh - Javier Bardem
Memeth - Jordi Molla
Grall - Luis Tosar
Gorath - Oscar Jaenada

Last edited by marcusdkane; 10-07-2013 at 05:12 PM.
Career Officer
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,632
# 39
10-07-2013, 07:22 PM
@admirala1 - interesting story. The lack of punctuation makes it a bit tough to read though.

@danqueller - another brilliant entry! I'm extremely impressed by the way the way you've managed to string together a successive narrative over the past several LCs.

@masopw - well done. VERY well done.

@marcusdkane - Nice introduction to Rufus Bates. The scenes of violence were terrific. I enjoyed this very much.

"The Snowmenz Are Coming! The Snowmenz Are Coming!!"

The Masterverse Timeline / Ten Forward Fanfics
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,946
# 40
10-07-2013, 07:49 PM
Wow. It seems to me that the Klingons, at least by their standards AND perhaps even Pentaxian standards, were in the right. (Not by human standards, but these are two honor cultures.) That was certainly an unexpected twist; I had been expecting something like a sneak attack (given the behavior seen by the TOS Klingons) or other sort of subversive behavior, not stupidity by the Pentaxians that provoked the Klingons. Especially unexpected given that the Pentaxians should find Klingon honor easier to comprehend than a human would. VERY interesting twist indeed. One wonders if someday Pentaxian historians would re-evaluate this moment.

It also seems proven now that there is a history of poor child-rearing in the Pentaxian royal family. I would not generalize that across the species, but I find myself less than impressed with the rash-mouthed, bratty behavior and the lack of discipline imposed by the parents in this particular family. I'm not sure whether it started with this emperor, or whether his son started the trend of vacillating between utter permissiveness and utter abuse, but it certainly seems generational given that I have seen the same smart mouth, self-centered arrogance, and lack of self-control in D'sh'll, Ch'K'rr, somewhat in S'rR's, and also in Ch'K'rr's daughter.

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Last edited by gulberat; 10-07-2013 at 07:54 PM. Reason: qAS
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