What if your local fast food joint was run like Star Trek Online?
With the problems that STO has been having it reminded me about an old post that was originaly intended for world of warctraft..........here is my attempt to convert it for STO
BTO: Welcome to Burger Trek Online. Would you like a PVE value meal, a PVP value meal, or an RP value meal?
Car 1: What is the difference between the PVE and PVP meals?
BTO: The PVP burger is only a slab of meat, and you have to eat 6 PVE meals before i can sell it to you. The PVE burger has a pickle. Except sometimes. You can add a pickle if you want. And we sneak a pickle in toward the end of the PVE burger but you don't have to eat it. You can skip that part of the burger.
Car 1: What about the RP burger?
Car 1: What do I get besides a burger?
BTO: Fries and your choice of beverage.
Car 1: I'll have a PVE meal with a diet coke.
BTO: We are sorry but there is a queue in the diet coke line, we have underestimated the customer volume for diet coke and our machine is backed up. Currently we are working to resolve this issue and expect the problem to be resolved in no more than 2 hours, we have also put in an emergency order for more coke machines but I wont say when they will show up.
Car 1: Well I paid for diet coke, i want a diet coke.
BTO: We got no diet coke.
Car 1: What do you have?
BTO: We have coke.
Car 1: You said I had a choice of beverage.
BTO: You can choose coke or get your own diet coke.
Car 1: Do you have anything else? What about sprite?
BTO: Sprite does not conform with BTO's vision of immersive dining. Your use of sprite was in the planning stages for this meal by the franchise that owned the rights to this meal, when we bought the rights to serve this meal we thought that sprite wasnt very eater friendly. So we removed sprite from the meal and added in coke, and made sprite against the EELA.
Car 1: THAT IS INSANE!
BTO: Shouting angers the filet o' tribble.
Car 1: Fine. I'll have coke.
BTO: Please pull up to the service window
Sign: We are aware that some of you are experiecing difficulty accessing our service window. We understand that you have paid for your meal but at this time we are experiencing a flood of people trying to access our window at the same time. We have put in an emergency request for a larger service window, but i wont tell you when it will be installed, at this time you will have to sit in queue and wait your turn, your current place in line is 998 of 1000, thank you for your patience.
Car 2: OMG! BTO suxx0rz teh b1g one!111!!
Car 3: Shut up, troll. BTO meals are the best! This isn't their fault.
Car 2: Shut up, fanboi. I'm cancelling my order and going to Mc'EVE online.
Cars 3-99: Then leave. Shorter line for the rest of us.
Car 3: Mc'EVE online meals suck. BTO meals are so much better.
Car 4: WTF DERVISH
Car 2: Yeah but at least you can actually eat a Mc'EVE online meal. Here you just sit hungry. OMG
Cars 3-99: Are you still here?
BTO: We're sorry you cannot access this service window at this time...please try again later
Car 1: WTF are you kidding me *knocks on service window*
Sign: SERVICE WINDOW NOT RESPONDING
Car 1: Come on I already paid for my meal.....give me my food!!
BTO: Thank you for your patience, Our replacement service window has not arrived yet so we have patched this window in hopes it can handle the customer load. Heres your meal.
Car 1; Thanks.... uh, you forgot my french fries.
BTO: There are no french fries
Car 1: You said it came with french fries
BTO: No, we said it came with fries.
Car 1: The difference being?
BTO: French fries are made with potatoes. Fries can be made with any starchy tuber and hot oil. At BTO meal design teams are working around the clock to develop new and exciting fries. As a BTO customer we value your opinions and our service window agents are regularily talking with the meal devs to provide them with valuable customer feedback. After our fries have been thoroughly tested and meet our standards, we will release our fries to you. You're gonna love 'em.
Car 4: I HEARD THAT, GIVE THE PVP BURGER A BUN AND A PICKLE TOO!!!!!
Car 1: So when do I get my fries?
BTO: We at BTO adhere to the strict rules that are laid out by our parent fast food restaraunt....Atari King, they have advised us to release your fries to you now, but they are frozen.
Car 1: Um, I'm pretty disappointed now. Can't you just please ask the fry guys to cook them? I promise I will wait patiently.
BTO: The fry guys and the fryer array are located off-site.
Car 1: Fine, i didn't want them anyway, they are just going to get stale in 5 minutes.
Car 1: You forgot the pickles on my burger
BTO: No, we didn't
Car 1: There are no pickles on my burger. Look for yourself.
BTO: We are aware that customers are reporting missing promised condiments during periods of headstart meal eating, we understand that you were promised condiments when you preordered but these condiments were not meant for headstart meal eating. You may come back in two days and recieve your pickle. Thank you for your patience.
Car 1: But I'll have already eaten my meal, in two days ill need a higher rank meal and that pickle will be useless to me.
Car 1: There is no mustard either.
Car 2: d00d!11! You just started your meal. What makes you think you have EARNED mustard? Mustard is for the 1337 eaters who have every meal here.
Car 4: WTF DERVISH
Cars 3-99: Are you still here? Why do you care if he gets mustard? How does it affect your meal?
Car 1: Can I have my fries now?
Heh did my best to make this fit with STO. Now mind you i like STO i have no major complaints about it, im a happy customer, i just thought this might be fun.
its funny because its true.
i plan on trying to get a partial refund for the lack pre order gear in headstart .. at least once they finish hiring CS reps..