Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
# 1 Futility
01-06-2014, 02:16 AM
Hello everyone,

I've been working on a Foundry mission for a while now and I think it's now good enough for everyone to see! I'm looking for some notes, if someone has the time, I think I might be a bit too close to it, sort of thing.

I've really enjoyed creating it and hope you all enjoy it. Below are some details.

Name: Futility
ID: ST-HDZVFBBD2
Allegiance: Starfleet-Federation
Story: Section 31 has engaged you to assist in cleaning up a mess they've made during a highly classified experiment. An Admiral has taken a heavily modified ship on a run to test a new console and all contact was lost.

Let me know what you think!
Join Date: AUG 2008 / Fleet:4077th
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,443
# 2
01-06-2014, 07:02 AM
Adding your mission to my list that I'll play through soon.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,443
# 3
01-07-2014, 01:15 PM
I will play your mission tomorrow.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
# 4
01-07-2014, 09:59 PM
Thank you! I really appreciate any feedback you've got!
Join Date: AUG 2008 / Fleet:4077th
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,443
# 5
01-08-2014, 11:08 AM
Playing your mission soon after I make some tweaks to my own.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Empire Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9,443
# 6
01-08-2014, 01:58 PM
Planet Utopia: Nice busy station. Some of the patrol npcs get stuck out in the middle floor. That may be hard to fix though. Ah yes, good old drake. Lots of info on the console for the player to read. Perhaps add some dialogue before beaming out instead of "go to next map?". Keeps the immersion going.
Wolf 359: Look is spelled looks when going to wolf 359. Dialogue options always add variety, good job.
Abrams: Good combat, the 3 elites were a surprise. Nice job creating a survivor room. Optional dialogue on the consoles is good. Nice puzzles with the EMH. The binary code puzzle may be tedious to some. Rawr, big Borg group, but no match for mortars and AOEs. I liked all of the effects that made the ship seem like it was falling apart.

Engineering: You've done a great job on creating the debris in each section. I am glad the options to skip the puzzles are there just in case. My tac cat is not the best at engineering hehe. Well done on the warp core section! Excellent job on making the system with a variety of parts. Should change interact to something else when opening the hatch to the bridge.
Corridor: Running! Great special FX. Might want to change interact here too.
Bridge: As always, excellent job with the assimilation decorating. You did a good job on those cables. One of the elite drones still has the costume named. The SF science lieutenant 1. Unexpected plot twist here.
Wolf 359 incursion: Big climatic battle. Some of the frigates do the warp-in bug after the battle, but we can't really do anything about that thanks to the limits on the foundry. You should add a few more ship npcs to help with the Borg after regrouping.

Great work! Fun little mission with just a few errors. I really think the detail on the inside of the ship was the best part.

Great work and I hope you make a sequel.
King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride.
http://sto-forum.perfectworld.com/sh...1#post13990891
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
# 7
01-08-2014, 10:34 PM
Thank you so much for the notes! I'll start making some tweaks as soon as I can. I'm very happy you enjoyed it, to be honest I was a little nervous.

I've already got an idea for another in mind, you've certainly inspired me to put some time into that!

Again, I really appreciate the time you took to give me this feedback!
Join Date: AUG 2008 / Fleet:4077th
Starfleet Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by creamyzombie View Post
Hello, I'd very much appreciate you trying my mission if you have the time:

Mission Name: Futility
Author: @elzombie
Minimum Level: 41+
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDZVFBBD2
Estimated Mission Length: Took me around 45 minutes, without the hidden surprises (there's only six so don't waste too much time looking for them!)

I hope you enjoy playing it as much as I enjoyed making it.
Federation Mission - Futility
Author: elzombie
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HDZVFBBD2

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good combat oriented mission with nice map designs, several very tough battles and excellent story dialogue. I would definitely recommend this mission to other players who like a tough combat oriented mission with a story. I would not recommend this mission on Elite level as the battles were more than enough challenge on Normal.

I mention the use of the response button "Continue" and have discussed its use in many other reports, so I will not cover it here. The use of puzzles in the mission is okay but I would suggest putting a "skip" the puzzle button for players who do not like puzzles. The button could be as simple as referring to the engineer or science officer to resolve the situation. I would also suggest a "skip dialogue" button that leads to a summary of the dialogue needed to continue the mission. This will allow the player to get the information that need and continue with the combat.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted one issue to consider changing;
-In the text you say "Can [NickName] and the [ShipName] unravel what's been going on aboard". Consider changing it to read "Can you and your crew unravel the mystery".

Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue with just enough intrigue to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Accept' button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "[Rank], we've recived an encoded message" to read "[Rank], we've received an encoded message"
-Consider changing "The have a represenitive there" to read "They have a representative there".

Mission Task: This is a good initial task with a clear location of the first NPC contact. The task to send the player to speak with Golos Vell seems unnecessary and could have been covered with follow on dialogue after the player accepted the mission. Then they would proceed directly to the entrance to the first custom map. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the entry prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Utopia Planitia: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
- Franklin Drake refers to the player by the [NickName]. Consider changing this to [Rank].
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-Consider changing "your career very closley" to read "your career very closely".
-Consider changing "details of this incidnet" to read "details of this incident".
-Consider changing "We need you assess the situation" to read "We need you to assess the situation".
-Consider changing "Test" to read "test".
-The Map Transfer text and button are both "Go to Next Map" which is the default text when not filled in by the author. You need to change this text to something appropriate to the mission.

Earth Spacedock (Cryptic Map): Cryptic did a great job of designing this map however using Cryptic maps as a means of transferring between mission maps is awkward at best. I would recommend once you have the player inside your mission maps you keep them there. You could easily have the player beam up to the ship as it enters your Wolf 359 map.

Sol System (Cryptic Map): Same comment as previous map.

Vulcan Sector (Cryptic Map): Same comment as previous maps. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The Entry Prompt button; if you are going to keep the current use of Cryptic maps, consider changing "Looks for the U.S.S. Abrams" to read "Look for the U.S.S. Abrams".

Wolf 359: This is a good map with fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "but we've blind to anything outside it" to read "but we're blind to anything outside it".
-The post Scan the Abrams dialogue; consider changing "[NickName], it looks as the the Abrams has punched" to read "[Rank], it looks as though the Abrams has punched".
-Consider changing "Structural integrity is at around 30%" to read "Structural integrity is at 30%".
-Consider changing "No responce, [Rank]" to read "No response, [Rank]".

U.S.S. Abrams Shuttle Bay: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I liked Ensign Towe's Blade Runner reference dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The use of "Interact" for consoles, doors, and logs is the default entry for the button and should be changed to something more appropriate to the item being interacted with.
-Consider making the optional log files we find throughout the map disappear after being accessed.
-Story Dialogue point, Ensign Towe is facing into the room with his back to the door but refers to the others in the room as being behind him.
-Consider change "I cant say" to read "I can't say".
-Consider changing "The Brog" to read "The Borg".
-The map transfer NPC appears to be a shipboard Science BOFF, but his dialogue is as if he is on the Away Team. Consider changing the BOFF to an Away Team vice Shipboard BOFF.

U.S.S. Abrams Engineering: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "It might be an idea to investigate" to read "It might be a good idea to investigate".
-The use of the response button "Continue".
-The use of "Interact" for buttons.
-Consider changing "You could try and drop the shields and we could get the suvivors and yourself out" to read "You could try to drop the shields then we could get the survivors and yourself out".
-Consider changing "There's a problem it looks as though your deck is venting atphmospehere and the emergency force fields haven't kicked in" to read "There's a problem, it looks as though your deck is venting atmosphere and the emergency force fields haven't kicked in".
-Consider changing "Well done, [FirstName]" to read "Well done, [Rank]".

U.S.S. Abrams Corridor: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The use of "Interact" for buttons.

U.S.S. Abrams Bridge: This is a good map design with tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of the [FirstName] and [NickName] in the dialogue. Consider changing it to [Rank].
-Consider changing "For a peaceful coperation" to read "For a peaceful cooperation".
-Consider changing "cubes as large as Glazy arms" to read "cubes as large as galaxy arms".
-Consider changing "They will lean to assimilate everything" to read "They will learn to assimilate everything".

Wolf 359 Incursion: This is a nice map design with several tough battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-If you are going to have friendly ships to assist in the battle you need more friendly ships or less Borg. They are wiped out in the first few minutes of the battle. This makes for a very long and boring fight.
-Consider getting rid of the warping in effect for the Borg as it is not necessary and the ships keep warping in, over and over again.
-Consider changing "I don't reckonize the callsign" to read "I don't recognize the call sign".
-Consider changing the response button "We resited, the future is not set in stone" to read "We resisted, the future is not set in stone".
Consider changing "you cannot change the inevetable" to read "you cannot change the inevitable".
-The use of the [FirstName] and [NickName] in the dialogue. Consider changing it to [Rank].

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 02/21/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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