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The Caitian Gambit - Part 2 of 2

by @helixfungus

Entry point is Kei System in Sirius Sector

The furred admiral has been (presumably) framed by a certain Founder...
Only you can save him from dishonor and capital punishment.
This part resolves the issue with Rodo the rogue Founder.

Contain moderate combat, ground and space one.

Last edited by helixfungus; 10-06-2014 at 04:33 AM.
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10-05-2014, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by helixfungus View Post
Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2
Author: @helixfungus
Minimum Level: 31+
Allegiance: Federation/
Project ID: ST-HJLTFLCAY
Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins

After saving Caitian homeworld, a vile vengeance plan to discredit Caitian Admiral Bim Chip takes place. Only you, as his battle companion during first part, can shed positive light in front of Caitian justice... and maybe put an end to Rodo's evil doing in the Alpha Quadrant...
Federation Mission - The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2
Author: helixfungus
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HJLTFLCAY

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a good mission and nice wrap up to the series. Your map designs are very well done, the battles are not difficult but not too easy either. The dialogue is well written despite needing a few tweaks here and there as I indicated below. Considering, as you said, English is not your native language you did quite well. I would definitely recommend this mission and the series to other players.

Normally I would use this area to discuss some of the issues I found in your mission. The previous review covered those issues quite well considering they are basically the same. This time I wanted to say congratulations on your map design, particularly with the follow NPC ships and combat support on your space maps. The patrol legs you set for these ships were very well setup and executed. It definitely added to the overall mission play and style you used in designing the maps. Well done!

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This description is good but needs a little more story to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the Entry point info to [MissionInfo] dialogue so it will stand out in the description.
-Consider changing the information that is separate from the description to [OOC] dialogue so both the description and notes will stand out.

Grant Mission Dialogue: This grant dialogue is good. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.

Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this task.

MAPS:
Cait Proximity: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. You did an excellent job setting up the "Follow" the NPC ship task. It looked great and performed well during the mission play. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Can I speak with Admiral Chip now ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.

Sura Orbital Outpost Interior: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "is it right ?" in a response button or dialogue.
-Consider removing movement of any NPCs that have optional or required dialogue. If the player starts to read the dialogue and the NPC walks away the dialogue disappears and the player must start over.

Sura Ground, High Security Detention Facility: This is a good map design with fun, balanced, optional battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "at the outer entrance ?We will wait" in a response button or dialogue.
-The first optional combat appears to be re-skinned Tholians. Consider changing them to Orions or something other than Tholians.

U.S.S. Constitution - Middeck 12: This is a good map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. The method you use to transfer us from the transporter deck to sickbay was well done but be careful the player does not lose the away team. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-The Inquisitor Nokaa dialogue; consider changing the response button "that some exterior forces is involved ?" to read "that some exterior forces are involved?"
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "to take back his command seat !" in a response button or dialogue.
-The issue with the apparent "Glitch in the map code" may mean you need to rebuild using a different map. You can also move objects around and see if perhaps a different floor would work.

DS9 Interior: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Where is Captain Kurland ?" in a response button or dialogue.
-The triggered interaction for the Quarks bar notice reads "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider the button to read "Read notice on Quarks bar" or something along those lines.

DS9 Proximity - B'Hava'el System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. You did a great job setting up and executing the "Follow" the NPC ship task. It looked great and performed well during the mission play. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-The Acting Captain M'Vara Chip dialogue; consider changing the response button "Did Detor gave us what he promised ?" to read "Did Detor give us what he promised?".
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "It's deep in the Badlands !" in a response button or dialogue.

The Badlands: This is a good map design with fun optional battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. The way you setup the U.S.S. Constitution patrol pattern so it moved in support of the battles was outstanding. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-The Acting Captain M'Vara Chip dialogue; consider changing the response button "M'Vara, don't lower sharpness right now !" to read "M'Vara, don't get cocky!".
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "You are a good captain !" in a response button or dialogue.

Rodo's Link Planet surface: This is a good map design with fun optional battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-I am not aware of any EVA suits that you can provide to your BOFFs that will work in the lack of atmosphere environment you provided on the planet.
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Good job !" in a response button or dialogue.

U.S.S. Constitution - Bridge: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The Acting Captain M'Vara Chip dialogue; consider changing "Welcome on our ship !" to read "Welcome aboard!"
-Consider changing the response button "what has changed your mind ?" to read "what has changed your mind?"
-The use of "" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
-Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Good job !" in a response button or dialogue.
-The Admiral Bim Chip dialogue; consider changing the response button "Yeah, the lesser persons knew, the better" to read "Yeah, the less people who knew, the better".
-Consider changing the response button "I really prefer to be informed" to read "I really would rather have known".
-The Activate the Weapon's console task interaction button reads "Interact" which is the default entry. Consider the button to read "Access weapons control" or something along those lines.

---------End Report----------

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission and the series. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 12/22/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - The Caitian Gambit part 2 of 2
If you would like a detailed review of your mission please visit my forum posting "In depth mission reports upon request" for details. Also see Evil 70th's list of missions at "Evil 70th's Missions".
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