Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,272
# 101
01-15-2014, 05:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
I'm saying plot contrivances are often necessary for storytelling purposes.

What your proposing would have wrapped up Voyager in 90 minutes.
Of course it would. That's the point. And a REALLY good story avoids plot contrivances, or uses them well. "Caretaker" does neither.

That's why the entire episode needs to be rewritten. I suggested upthread having Kazon weapons damage the array, stranding Voyager in the Delta Quadrant when they try to get back. It's a relatively easy fix, and won't leave the fans going "but why didn't they just leave some mines set to go and pop back home".
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 146
# 102
01-15-2014, 07:54 PM
@ aten66 - oh the joys of drunken speeches! And I rather dislike Q also.

@ ambassadormolari - that was nice and sentimental (but not too much).

@ masopw - that was amazing! I like abrupt endings in short stories, and yours certainly ended with a bang.
Rihannsu
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 216
# 103
01-15-2014, 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sander233 View Post
More reviews:
@ironphoenix - "Your trust should go no further than the airlock of your ship." Great line, that.
Thank ye! Bryan can be a reasonbly blunt individual, and I thought that line demonstrated his point quite well!

Now, some reviews of my own (finally ):

@worffan101
Three very well written stories! Your first and third ones had me chuckling a little throughout, and the second was a very sombering reminder of what happens if we let ourselves boil over with feelings like revenge.

@jonsills
Grunt was spot on with his lecture, and his point is certainly something that Bryan would be in total agreement with.

@grylak
Took me a minute or so to see where you were going with it, but in the end, a very well written story.

@sirboulevard
Excellent story! To be frank, I never really liked the fact that the Prim Directive was so set-in-stone, and I've tried to write myown character to mirror that.

@marcusdkane
Sounds like a plot brewing there. Let me know if you need Bryan to kick down some doors for you

@saihung423
Not bad, but I would strongly recommend you try to come up with a character of your own and write from his/her/its perspective, because the stories of the current "Legendary" (Picard, Janeway, Kirk, etc...) characters have already been written.

Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta

Last edited by ironphoenix113; 01-16-2014 at 03:39 AM.
Survivor of Romulus
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,272
# 104
01-16-2014, 05:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
@worffan101
Three very well written stories! Your first and third ones had me chuckling a little throughout, and the second was a very sombering reminder of what happens if we let ourselves boil over with feelings like revenge.

...

Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you! Good to see that I succeeded with this round's stories.

I agree completely on Voyager, by the way. DEM only works if you have to work like hell for it (see the finales to Elantris and Mistborn: The Final Empire (both by Brandon Sanderson)).
Captain
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 994
# 105
01-16-2014, 06:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by worffan101 View Post
I agree completely on Voyager, by the way. DEM only works if you have to work like hell for it (see the finales to Elantris and Mistborn: The Final Empire (both by Brandon Sanderson)).

Or there is a serious consequence down the line, such as Jadzia being killed and the wormhole being removed due to Sisko convincing the prophets to remove the Dominion Fleet in the wormhole.




As for the stories, just read the last two. Loved them both. Masopw, loved the unexpectedness of that ending. And great fun with the surfing.


ambassadormolari. An interesting tale and a more personal speech. I like that. You get a better reaction between the people when they are not simply speaking to the masses. Though I do accept that is a limitation of the LC posted.
*******************************************

A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 237
# 106
01-16-2014, 04:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by superhombre777 View Post
@ aten66 - oh the joys of drunken speeches! And I rather dislike Q also.
Actually, I love Q, I just hate Q Junior, who is as pompous as his father. In lieu, Gregs is friends with a Fem Q, but considers Q Junior as an annoyance, and hasn't really forgiven Q for turning his command chair into a bean-bag chair, the worst chair to have in space where battle is constant, and when you fall off them when not careful.

@ambassadormolari: Interesting interpretation, and I like it!

@masopw: My first question, do you have a link to the story I seemed to have missed? Second, is this a new plot line for you? Third... WHHHHHAAAAAATTTT? When did I miss this! Loved it!
Lt. Commander
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 154
# 107
01-16-2014, 05:32 PM
Hey all,

Thanks for the kind words!

@aten66: No missing stories...the ending to this post is the first time the event has been mentioned! Seems to be having the intended effect of a little bit of &

(Behind the scenes...please consider this a cliffhanger while the writer goes back under the knife. If recovery is , then it's a season finale. (Yep...I know what next 'season' would be!) If recovery is , then it's a series finale. If y'all want to send me good vibes...it would be most appreciated!...and maybe have your crew scan for the Bonaventure in their next tale for good luck! One never knows what you'll find out in the black...)
Captain
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,489
# 108
01-16-2014, 07:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
Sounds like a plot brewing there.
From Ael and I'sH'd's points of view, absolutely. From Siri's, not at all, she's just hopped a ride with an old friend, and will return when the time is right


Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
Let me know if you need Bryan to kick down some doors for you
Will do I'm hoping for an opportunity to let Ael's Brikar sidekick make more of an appearance as well
Career Officer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 594
# 109
01-17-2014, 02:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironphoenix113 View Post
@sirboulevard
Excellent story! To be frank, I never really liked the fact that the Prim Directive was so set-in-stone, and I've tried to write myown character to mirror that.

...

Now, onto the Voyager debate: The primary reason I am not particularly fond of it can be summed up in three words: deus ex machina. My opinion is that you should only use a DEM when you've written yourself into an inescapable corner with your plot (Mass Effect 3, I'm looking at you) and not simply use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for every problem the good guys encounter. Plus, if you use a DEM, there should be a significant build-up to it's use (making it and its acquisition the focus of the story) and not an out-of-nowhere instant victory. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you!

Yes, Voyager was too heavy with the DEMs. *cough*punching a hole in an event horizon *cough*
Captain
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,689
# 110
01-17-2014, 11:09 AM
@masopw - That is packed full of awesome Did a Vulcan actually say "Brah"?

EDIT - I *still* really like Voyager.
Kathryn S. Beringer - The Dawn Patrol

Solaris build - Veritatum Liquido Cernene
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